I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
