I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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