I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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