Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
