Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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