He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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