Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
