ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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