The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
