I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
