Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
nutella sex= disaster
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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