I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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