She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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