my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
