no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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