pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
