Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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