Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
