Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
