If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
