Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
