if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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