Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
