Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
