just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
