You can't motorboat a personality
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
