i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
