he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Randomize
