People in love make me want to vomit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
