i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
