I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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