I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
