She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
