My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
