didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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