You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Too much gin, very little bucket
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
