Already got asked if we're dating
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
