So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The uberlube is also flammable
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
