apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
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Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower