I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.