she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
