did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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