omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
