At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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