I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
