I think I won the penis lottery.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
