honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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