And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
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