i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
