Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
