why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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