Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
