I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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