Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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