im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
