i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
