I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
