I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
