Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
