if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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