Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
